I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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