I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
