No awkward lesbian experiences without me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
