Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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