I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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