I will die if light touches me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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