____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
