I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
