All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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