had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
