Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
dude. I can hear the air.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
