So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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