If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How's work?
Spinning.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
there is puke in my bra ... again
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
