I need help removing her.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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