you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
