hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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