oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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