I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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