she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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