Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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