Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
