Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
