Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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