my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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