apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
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Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize