fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
