the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
