Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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