I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
