I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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