Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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