escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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