I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
