so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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