Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
