Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
