So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"