Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question