I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.