All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.