why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
