So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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