I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
