dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
