I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
