he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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