That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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