I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
