Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
