I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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