i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
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You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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