Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
