I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
