ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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