I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize