Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
