chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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