I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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