Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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