So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
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You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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