fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Enjoy the penises
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
