I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
