My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
