Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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