How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
