i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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