Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We just shotgunned beers for America
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
