I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize