Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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