just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
