It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
