Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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